Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 301 Reel 1.... "MST 1/2 Part I" LAST TIME ON MSTA: (The SOL starts plummetting to the ground!) TOM: *snif* It was nice knowing you all... CROW: *snif* Until next life!! GYPSY: *snif* Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!! JOEL: We're going down in China! MAGIC VOICE: Impact in 15 seconds MIKE: Gypsy, try to bring the nose up! TOM: Mike,the ship doesn't have a 'nose'. GYPSY: Trying... MAGIC VOICE: Impact in 5...4...3...2...1... Impact-- (The SOL crashes onto the ground and splits in half next to a small spring of water. Joel, Mike, and the bots are thrown out of the ship into the spring. A few bubbles come to the surface....are they ok?) MAGIC VOICE (a bit garbled): Guys.....guys.... (Suddenly, 6 beautiful red-headed girls arise from the spring!) ALL 6 GIRLS (looking at each other): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! NEW THEME: In the not too distant future, another September day Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank left to go their separate way They left by using the time machine To go back home to Deep 13 But disturbance put the SOL off base The Satellite Of Love fell out of space!!! The satellite crash landed, near a little Chinese spring (lalala) All 6 were thrown into it by the force of the landing (lalala) Now keep in mind this certain spring had a curse that was at hand (lalala) And the curse affected Joel and Mike, and also their robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL Cambot (on a rage) Gypsy ("Richard Basehart") Tom Servo ("lookin' good") Croooow!! (still a wisecracker) Gizmonic Institute's their goal, as they trek from day to day (lalala) And repeat to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!! (no door sequence...SOL's in ruins) (the 6 girls are in a panic....but who are they??) ONE OF THE GIRLS: Richard Basehart!! Richard Basehart!! ANOTHER: Well, now we know which one of us is Gypsy! (yup....the curse!!) CROW: Servo, is that you? TOM: Yeah...what in the name of Mitchell happened to us? JOEL: Now calm down...I'm sure there's a rational explanation for all this! TOM: Oh yeah, right, Joel! We fall into a pond of water and resurface as redhead, buxom, curvy....waitaminute....(turns to Crow) You know, Crow, you don't look too bad! CROW: I don't know whether this is hell...or heaven! MIKE: I think what we have here is a phenomenon of nature, but you must admit, it does present some interesting possibilities! GYPSY: But how do we change back? (Mike, Joel, Tom, and Crow all shrug) TOM: Hey...who's that 6th girl? (The 6th girl climbs out of the pool and addresses the SOL crew) 6TH: ALL RIGHT!! I have had it up to HERE!! JOEL: huh? 6TH: Ever since this whole adventure started, I must have saved your butts about 10 times! And I don't even get so much as a 'thank you'!! Who was it who scanned the lawbooks of Tantalus-III?? MIKE: Wait....that's... TOM: CAMBOT!!! CAMBOT: That's right! And who got you wise to Timmy not once, but *twice*? JOEL: You... CAMBOT: And who was it that put you wise to Mike's 'girlfriend'?? MIKE: That was you... CAMBOT: But I have never heard *any* gratitude!! From now on, no I will *not* put anything on still-store, I will *not* give you Rocket #9, and I will *not* travel with you anymore.....not unless you apologise!! CROW: Hey, we didn't have anything to do with-- CAMBOT: SHUT UP!! MIKE: Okay, okay....I apologise...we took you for granted and we shouldn't have....are we all agreed? CROW: Well, I still say Cambot's making a big deal out of-- (Mike glares at Crow) CROW: OK, OK.....we're sorry. CAMBOT: Good! (suddenly a Chinese man wearing a uniform runs toward the SOL crew) JUSENKYO GUIDE: Oh no.....too late!! TOM: Huh? JUSENKYO GUIDE: You fall in Nyannichuan.....tragic story about young girl who drown there one thousand five hundred year ago! TOM: So? JUSENKYO GUIDE: Legend say anyone who fall into Nyannichuan take on body of young girl....see, now you all young girls! CROW: This can't be happening!! JOEL: What's the cure for this? JUSENKYO GUIDE: No cure....just temporary fix....hot water! (The SOL crew looks toward each other) CROW: SHOWER!!!!!!!! (The entire SOL crew runs toward...well...somewhere where they hope to find hot water) JUSENKYO GUIDE: No....not here...must go to town. (The SOL crew stops in their tracks) MIKE: Then what are we waiting for, let's go to town. CAMBOT: I believe we are forgetting a couple things.... TOM: What? CAMBOT: Well, first off, although Joel and Mike may be wearing clothes, we former bots are *not*!! CROW: Oh....oh yeah...heh heh CAMBOT: And second, we have to try to rescue Magic Voice! JOEL: That's right, we almost forgot Magic Voice! (The SOL crew go back to the wreckage of the SOL. Cambot finds a stock of jumpsuits) CAMBOT: Here, so we can tell us all apart. Tan, Green, Blue, and Red jump- suits. CROW: I'll take the tan one! TOM: Red's for me! GYPSY: I like blue! CAMBOT: So I guess that leaves the Green one for me. Now zip them up all the way so they'll stay with us in case we turn back to bots. MIKE: I found her! Magic Voice!! (Mike gets out a disk labeled "Magic Voice") JOEL: Hey, I found this old computer casing with some RAM in it...maybe we could just load Magic Voice into here! (Joel takes the disk and loads it into the still-functioning computer casing. within moments, the casing comes to audio life!) MAGIC VOICE: Where am I? JOEL: You're on the remains of the Satellite. MAGIC VOICE: You don't look like the SOL crew! TOM: Well, it's like this...we fell into a spring and got cursed, quite sim- ple really! CROW: So now unless we get some hot water, we're stuck this way! CAMBOT: Well, temporarily, anyway.... (the SOL crew exits the wreckage and stands outside of it, looking at it) JOEL: Well, this is the end of an era, you guys. TOM: Well, look on the bright side....at least we won't have to watch any more bad movies! CROW: Hey! That's right!! GOOD RIDDANCE, SOL!!! heh! MIKE: That ship was my home for almost 4 years...yours for even longer! GYPSY: I miss the ship already!! TOM: So where do we go now, Mister Salty? JOEL: West! We have to get back to Minnesota, maybe the Institute can find a way to get us out of this mess. CROW: Uh, Joel, we don't have a car. CAMBOT: You really don't expect us to walk, do you? (Joel nods) CAMBOT: I was afraid of that... (The SOL crew starts toward a small town off in the distance.) GYPSY: Maybe there's some hot water here! TOM: Hey! Get this! My arms work!! (Tom flails hi-- her arms around) CROW: And now I don't have to wear those brown pants anymo-- (Joel giver Crow one of those looks) CROW: heh heh...well....because they, uh, don't fit me anymore! That's it! CAMBOT: And I finally have a voice! TOM: Maybe this curse isn't so bad after all! CROW: And even Gypsy wins out....she didn't have any arms to begin with! GYPSY: Yeah! TOM: Joel? Mike? (Joel and Mike look at each other) JOEL: Well, I think we should all accept ourselves the way we were created. TOM: Joel, you created me with immobile arms! CROW: Hey, at least that's better than talking in beeps! *heh heh* TOM: What was that? CROW: Oh, nothing.... CAMBOT: Can we all just go to the town, please?? Sheesh! TOM: Cambot, what crawled into your circuits and died? (Cambot elbows Tom) TOM: OOF!! *koff koff* Damn you're *koff* touchy today!! *koff* CROW: Whatever happened to the sensitive bot who cried over those destroyed cameras? MIKE: Don't tease Cambot, you guys....obviously he-- TOM: ...she... MIKE: Whatever...Cambot's rather hurt right now... TOM: Waitaminute....how come there's always a small town nearby no matter where we are? Think about it!! CROW: Yeah...that's right....when we were with Torgo, there was a small town nearby... TOM: And just after that, we were in a small town on a movie set! CROW: And now there's a small town near the Satellite again!! JOEL: Maybe because without a small town, there'd be no adventure. CAMBOT: Come on, you all! Just because there's a small town doesn't necessarily mean there's gonna be some kind of adventure! It's not as if adventure's just gonna hit us on the-- (A metal cylinder hits Cambot on the head and she falls to the ground) MIKE: I wonder what this is! (Joel picks up the cylinder) JOEL: It looks like a scroll container of some sort! TOM: Maybe it's something left by....ancient...astronauts!! JOEL (shaking hi-- her head): It says "Made in China", but there is some- thing in it! (Joel opens up the container and pulls out a rolled up sheet of paper) JOEL: It says here that whoever returns this scroll to its rightful owner will get his or her fondest wish! TOM: So what else is on the scroll? JOEL: That's it... CROW: So then what the owner need with the stupid scroll?? (Cambot comes to) CAMBOT: If I catch whoever it was that threw that thing at me I'll skin him alive!! MIKE: Calm down, Cambot...we found a scroll! TOM: This could be our key to being cured, Joel!! CROW: Then we wouldn't have to go back to Gizmonics!! GYPSY: Yeah! TOM: Uh, Joel, is there an address on that scroll? JOEL: It only says "The Blue House" CROW: Joel, I never knew you spoke Chinese! JOEL: I don't... (Joel shows the scroll...it's written in both Chinese and English) CROW: Oh... MIKE: Not so hard...I mean how many blue houses can there be in one town? (You had to ask....they're *all* blue!) MIKE: Never mind... CAMBOT: Are we actually gonna have to knock on *every* door? TOM: I have an idea! We yell "free scroll" until someone gets the thing! JOEL: But then someone else could claim to get the scroll and the wishes! TOM: Oh yeah.... GYPSY: How about we hand it to that nice man over there? (Gypsy points to a sad-looking man in front of a red house) CROW: Uh, Gyps, that's a *red* house. GYPSY: Oh... TOM: The scroll plainly says "Blue House" CAMBOT: So which blue house do we start with? TOM: I know!! Eeeny, meeny, mynie, moe..... (Cambot elbows Tom again) TOM: OOF! Cambot!! JOEL: I never thought I'd be saying this, but I think you need a time out, Cambot.... (Joel drags Cambot away from the group) JOEL: You go on...We'll join you later. (Mike, Tom, Gypsy, and Crow knock on the first door. An elderly woman ans- wers) WOMAN: Yes. MIKE: Hi...we found this scroll and was wondering if it was yours. WOMAN: Sorry, no. MIKE: Oh...ok...sorry to bother you... (She waves bye and closes her door) TOM: Nice going, Mike! MIKE: Hey, that was only the first house...we have more to go... GYPSY: Let's try the sad man! TOM: Gypsy!! We already said that-- MIKE: Now, now...let's hear her out.. (They go to the red house as Joel and Cambot rejoin the group. Mike addres- ses the sad man) MIKE: Excuse me, but is this your scroll? MAN: OH YES! You found it! Oh thank you...I hope the instructions were not too confusing. TOM: I don't get it! It said to go to the blue house! JOEL: I get it now! Blue didn't refer to the color of the house, but to the mood of the owner! Of course, if he lost something, he'd be sad and blue! CROW: Oh give me a break! CAMBOT: Me too! MAN: Now as the scroll says, you shall each receive your fondest wish! But be quick as I have to leave in about 2 minutes! (Joel, Tom, Crow, Mike, and Gypsy all talk at once, voicing their fondest wishes) MAN: Now, now, can't you all just talk one at a time? It would make it much easier! CAMBOT: I know, you guys....you know, I wish you all could just shut up for 5 minutes, then we'd be able to get things done. (they shut up) CAMBOT: Now...one at a time.... (silence) CAMBOT: This man is waiting! MAN: You wish them to keep quiet for 5 minutes...you got your wish, but now, unfortunately, they cannot have theirs, as I must leave! (SOL crew save Cambot start stomping on the ground and glaring at Cambot) CAMBOT: Oops...heh....uh....sorry, guys! (They run after Cambot with 'kill' looks on their faces. Cambot runs away) CAMBOT: I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! Hey, at least we're making fast progress toward Minnesota!! (They all run toward the sunset, and you can hear Cambot saying "I'm sorry" all the way there...) T H E E N D So a new direction is taken for MST Adventures! How long will it take for them to get to Minnesota? Where will they find their hot water? What adven- tures will follow on their trek halfway around the world? Find out on Season 3 of MSTA, "MST 1/2" PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS #302 - MST 1/2 Part 2 The SOL crew gets to Tibet, where someone steals Magic Voice!! What does the thief want with her, and why is he falling in love with Tom Servo? #303 - MST 1/2 Part 3 The SOL crew enters Russia, where someone finds out about their curses and wants to keep them in Russia indefinitely to study their 'abnor- mal' behavior! **************************************************************************** * From: emiofbrie@earthlink.net * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended * * for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, * * living or dead, is purely coincidental * * * * Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and * * Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions * * * * 'Jusenkyo' and 'Nyannichuan' Copyright 1987 Rumiko Takahashi * * * * All other characters created by Emi M. Briet -- Copyright 1996 * * * * Mystery Science Theater Adventures - "MST 1/2 Part 1" - C 1996 * ****************************************************************************